“THERE is a numbness and you’re in shock. As I said to some people, the difference between life and death, and how you view death, is a lot different after a tragic event happens, than before it. Every person that’s ever lost someone will probably understand that. It’s very hard to contemplate it if you haven’t. Unfortunately, we know what it’s like. Understanding it … it’s not like the old saying ‘time heals all wounds’. Well, it doesn’t. I don’t think this time.” – David Jones

ANDREW Gordon Jones was more than a Lance Corporal.

He was a son, a brother, a nephew, a boyfriend, a mate.

Born on April 22, 1986, Andrew was one of three children (brother Arran the middle child and sister Anthea the youngest) to David and Jenny Jones.

On May 30, 2011, Andrew’s life was tragically cut short, serving his country in Afghanistan.

Regarded as a dedicated, dependable and honourable soldier, for David and Jenny, he was their son they “never had any trouble with”.  

“He was an average kid. He wasn’t an ace student. He liked to get out. He used to go fishing with his dad and his brother. As he got older, he liked to go shooting at the range. He was your average Aussie boy,” Jenny said.

A CAREER IN THE ARMY

When Andrew left high school in 2003, he wasn’t quite fixed on a career choice.

He looked at different TAFE courses, but applied to join the army as a cook.

“They supplied the uniform and they supplied the tools, and they paid for him to get his qualifications and a guaranteed job,” David said.

Andrew joined the army in April 2004, just before his 18^th birthday.

He did his training at Kapooka, an outer suburb of Wagga Wagga in the Riverina.

Once he did his basic training, he was sent to HMAS Cerberus (naval base), adjacent to Crib Point on the Mornington Peninsula.

“He said the hardest thing about being there was trying to march with the navy,” Jenny said.

From there, he went to Queensland. Andrew spent four years in Townsville and was then based at RAAF Base Amberley, south-west of Ipswitch. He also met his girlfriend Jo in Brisbane.

Andrew’s first deployment was to East Timor in July 2008.He served with the peacekeeping force until October that year.

Following his stint in south-east Asia, he returned to Amberley.

After missing out on the first cut to Afghanistan, he was called up in November 2010 for a six-month stint with the Force Support Unit.

“He was doing happy dances, but I wasn’t quite happy, but he really wanted to go,” Jenny said.

A SPECIAL 10 DAYS

In April 2011, Andrew returned to visit his family in Kingsbury, in Melbourne’s north-east suburbs. (For the record, Kingsbury was named after Victoria Cross recipient, Bruce Kingsbury, who served in the Second World War).

Andrew arrived just before his birthday and stayed for 10 days.

During his return, he was determined to attend his first Dawn Service at the Shrine of Remembrance on St Kilda Road.

“He wore his suit that he had specially designed in Dubai to attend the ANZAC service in 2011,” David said.

“It was one of the events that he really wanted to do when he came back in that short space [of time].”  

Andrew’s return was significant for a number of reasons, particularly youngest sister Anthea.

One night, several family members went out with Andrew, including Anthea. It proved to be a big, but memorable occasion.

“They talked about that night for months, even after Andrew’s death,” Jenny said.

“They had such a good night – they really did.”

Anthea, the youngest child, was only just starting to get to know Andrew.

“He was making time to be with his family, before he was killed, and that’s a hard thing for a young girl [to go through]. She was just starting to know her older brother and then he’s killed,” David said.

“Andrew made [time] to be with the family and she was just starting to have a big brother. They were just relating better and not being little kids … then all of a sudden he was gone.

“It was a good 10 days. We had some good times. The last night before Andrew went back [to Afghanistan], we all had some dinner together … and that was really a good night.”

A KNOCK AT THE DOOR

On May 2, David (who has since retired) was up early for work, as usual.

Working for Australia Post, he was just about to leave at his regular time of 4:45am – he started at 5:30am – when Andrew came home from his big night out.

“Andrew rocked up at the front door … before I went to work, we gave him a hug and said our goodbyes,” David said.

It would be the last time David saw Andrew.

For Jenny, it was later that day, when Andrew got into a taxi and departed back to Afghanistan.

The extra hug he gave his mother was also her last moment with her son.  

Three weeks later, everything changed.  

Andrew was shot by a rogue member of the Afghan National Army while inside Patrol Base Mashal, north of Tarin Kot, Afghanistan.

He was evacuated to the medical facility at the Multi National Base Tarin Kot, but died of his wounds, despite the best efforts of specialist staff.

For David and Jenny, their children, family, and Andrew’s mates and colleagues, it was a life changing moment.

“There was a knock at the door [just after 7pm on May 30]. I was lying down on the bed [at home] and I thought ‘why won’t anybody answer that bloody door’,” Jenny said.

“My daughter said ‘Mum, there are two army guys at the door’.

“I opened the door. I could hear her (Anthea) behind me … and as soon as she saw them, she started to cry.

“I honestly don’t remember how I got to the door to the lounge room [but] they were really, really good – the padre and major.”

THE TRIBUTES

Andrew was just 25.

An outpouring of cards, flowers and tributes were sent to David and Jenny.

Many from people they’d never met, many anonymous.

“People were lovely,” Jenny said.

“I want to thank everybody.

“There were wonderful people, like the gentleman at the photo shop, who copied all of the photos for us – and wouldn’t accept any money at all. There were just people who were so kind.”

THE PAIN

Andrew’s death went against the circle of life; no parent should ever lose their child.

The terrible reality for David and Jenny was that they did.

“If you lose a parent, you understand that on the natural progression [of life] you will lose your parents – they’re older than you and they will pass on. That’s nature,” Jenny said.

“If you have a partner, there is a chance that they may go before you or you may go before them. You do not expect to lose a child and if the circumstances are pretty horrible – it makes it pretty worse.

“[Another fallen soldier’s] dad said to us early on ‘you can’t get over it, it’s not something you can get over’, but you learn to deal with it. Some days you can deal really well [with it] and on other days it’s shit – you can’t.

“You pick your tissues up and wait until it passes and then you dust yourself off and you get up and keep on going.”

Jenny said the hardest time wasn’t the initial period – it was later on. And it never becomes any easier.

“The first year, people say that’s the hardest. I think it’s the second year, because there were things that had to be done [in the first year],” she said.

“We went to the welcome home, [met with] the governor general, had Remembrance Day and Andrew’s things came back from Afghanistan with him and things came back from Queensland.

“All of those things had to be sorted and dealt with ... there was always something that needed doing.

“The next year, when there wasn’t so much to do – that’s when the numbness starts to wear off and the realisation that Andrew’s not in Queensland anymore and is never coming home.”

“IT’S THE SAFEST PLACE YOU CAN BE”

Andrew told his parents that he would be OK in Afghanistan.

After all, he was the cook on the base – and had earned the reputation as a very good one at that.

“He said before he went ‘it’s the safest you can be’,” David said.

Jenny added: “In the war zone.”

But as David explained, Andrew was a target like anyone else in an Australian uniform.  

Jenny realised that Andrew was in a dangerous place and she knew the risk, “but I didn’t even contemplate the way Andrew was killed”.  

“It wasn’t anything that we’d even heard of [before]. We’d found out later that it had happened to other countries, but we hadn’t experienced it – that we were aware of,” she said.

“It was a big shock.”

ANDREW’S DEATH

Andrew had just come back from the latrine, when he was killed.

Jenny couldn’t remember if Andrew had been preparing a meal when the incident happened.   

“He would make sure he had a meal prepared for them (the soldiers) after they’d been out all night patrolling,” Jenny said.

“It was just one of those things – they just did not see it [coming].

“In some ways, the more shocking [deaths] were the later ones when we lost two lots of three [soldiers], because that was just incomprehensible that we could lose [more] again.”

Jenny was adamant she didn’t blame anyone for Andrew’s death.

“The captain on the base came and saw us after he returned, which I thought took a lot of guts, because he didn’t know how we were reacting or felt about the military. I know some families felt resentment,” Jenny said.

“Our guys had nothing to do with Andrew’s death – with respect – and they all followed procedure. It was something that had not happened [before] and it was something that they would not have expected.

“The Afghan officer in charge was absolutely devastated and quite horrified. The young captain said he did not sleep for over 24 hours, trying to deal with the aftermath of Andrew’s death.”

Andrew was later described on the Australian Government of Department of Defence website “as a loyal, reliable and trustworthy soldier who was dedicated to serving his country”.

“He was a team player who loved his job. He had a quiet personality but enjoyed a joke with his mates,” the obituary said.  

“He was a skilled cook who was the first to volunteer to go on the road or on exercise. In 2010, he was promoted to Lance Corporal upon completing his Junior Leader Course. He displayed definite leadership potential.”

TODAY …

This time of the year is a testing period for David and Jenny, given Andrew was born on April 22, ANZAC Day is on the 25^th and his death was on May 30.

For two months, plus the weeks leading up to it and afterwards, is particularly trying.   

“It’s not a good time of the year, really, for us, from here until June,” Jenny said. 

Not only that, it’s other special occasions, like Christmas, that are most difficult.

“Times when you get together, which aren’t there anymore … birthdays are significant, but in a different way now,” David said.

“Someone at work once asked me ‘ANZAC Day would be more significant to you now, now that you’ve lost a son in service’. I said ‘yeah, but it was just three days after his birthday’.”

MEMORIES AND MILESTONES

As a mark of respect, David and Jenny, and her sister Sandra, who is also in the military, wear fallen soldier bracelets.

This is just one part of honouring Andrew’s life.

His awards and memorabilia from serving his country are also displayed proudly at David and Jenny’s home.

A special photo above the mantelpiece consists of David and Jenny’s three children. It’s the only picture of Andrew with his brother and sister, during his time in the army.

Andrew didn’t like having his photo taken, so the picture is a treasured memory for David and Jenny.

“We’ve got very odd photos [of him] from the whole time he was in the army. We only got them from his friends – otherwise, we would’ve had no real photos from the time he was 18,” she said.

Today – April 22 – Andrew would’ve been 30 years old.

Sadly, his milestone will be reflected in vastly different way than it should’ve been.

Bravely, Jenny still counts herself as “very lucky” to have celebrated Andrew’s 25^th and final birthday, when he was home for those special 10 days.

“We hadn’t had him home for his birthday since he joined [the army],” she reflected.

“He was home and did ANZAC Day like he wanted. We had his birthday and we had good times. We had more than some families. Some families had not seen their boys for some time, so we did have that.

“I count my blessings where I can, but I just wish to hell I had more.”

WHAT WE’VE MISSED

Since Andrew’s death, David and Jenny have met a range of families – and formed connections – with those who have also lost loved ones and mates at war.

“This time of the year, ANZAC Day is really hard, because for me they’re not just pictures of boys. I know their mums and their dads, and I know some of their stories – it’s not just Andrew,” Jenny said.

“We’ve lost 41 lives and there are 41-plus families that this time of the year hits home again – their sons or husbands will not be coming home. There are kids growing up that don’t ever have their dads. I think that’s the biggest thing for a lot of us, whose boys didn’t get married or didn’t have kids.”

“It’s not what we had – it’s what we’ll never have.”

For Jenny, that’s one of the toughest aspects of dealing with Andrew’s death. 

“I’ll never see Andrew wait for his bride. I’ll never see him pick up his child. And that for me is the hardest thing. It’s not the things he had. Considering his age … he just had his 25^th birthday and he had done a lot,” she said.

“He had been to Timor and Afghanistan … he had enjoyed his life, but it’s the things that we aren’t going to have – that’s the thing that hurts and I’m never going to have.

“They said he was a good solider and a bloody good cook. Well, I would’ve liked him to become a bloody old cook.”

David added: “Or even just know that they’re going to grow old living their own life the way that they want to.”

THE IMPORTANCE OF SHARING THEIR STORY

One of key reasons David and Jenny are sharing their story is to highlight the importance of the modern soldier.

“[One of the] most significant things about modern day [war] ... is to remind people that Australians are still dying and there are still Australians serving overseas, and we still get involved in conflicts,” David said.

“You could sacrifice your life in any one of those situations.”

Jenny added that it was important to let people know that all soldiers – not just commandos – were vulnerable.  

“Every member of our defence force, whether it’s a clerk, a typist, a medic, a cook – when they put on the uniform, they become a target,” she said.

“They do a fantastic job under very trying circumstances and we should be very, very proud of them and say thank you.

“They get called heroes, but I don’t think Andrew would’ve thought himself as a hero. He was just doing his job to the best he could to support the guys he thought we heroes – the guys … putting their lives right out there. I think all of them are [heroes] that go over there.”

SUPPORT

Since the loss of Andrew, David and Jenny have been connected to Walking Wounded, a registered charity that has been established to assist in the psychological rehabilitation and recovery of returned Australian soldiers, who are experiencing hardships after their time in service.

Walking Wounded’s primary objective is to intervene and prevent the concerning incidences of suicide in the young veteran community through counselling and other support.

David said it was important Walking Wounded received funding and support, “so they can do their jobs”.

“[It’s about] getting people that need help to admit it, but even ask for it. It’s no crime to admit that you’re not well … your wellness takes a heavier toll, so anyone out there that might need help, don’t be scared to ask – go seek it,” he said.

“I don’t think you’ll be a lesser person if you look for something that’s going to help you. It benefits everybody. If you aren’t sure – do ask for it.

“No family deserves to lose anyone through suicide … if it can be prevented.”

Jenny said the deaths of those who serve “doesn’t just affect the person, it affects the whole family”.

“It’s like the pebble in the water – the ripple effect. There are so many that have taken their lives after they’ve come home,” she said.

“It’s really hard though, especially those in the military. They think that it’s a stigma and they’re not tough enough, but they are tough enough. If they weren’t tough, they wouldn’t still be alive. They’ve proved their tough.

“They just need a little bit of help and some days we all need a little bit of help. It’s not easy.”

HOW CAN SUPPORT GET BETTER?

Whether it’s with Walking Wounded, or any organisation that supports those who serve, David and Jenny are right behind them.

“We should support them, especially those who have all sorts of issues – mental issues, physical issues – we need to support them,” she said.

“We need to do all we can, even if it’s as simple as saying ‘hey are you OK and can I do anything?’ Because they’re all important.”

Jenny said Walking Wounded had been “fantastic” in her family’s situation, but she was equally supportive of Soldier On, Mates4Mates, Got Your Back and Beyond Blue.

“Especially for post-traumatic stress – not one size fits all,” she said.

Jenny said communicating the different support networks and what they had to offer was important. She suggested a booklet might be a good option.    

“[It’s hard] If you don’t know where to ask … we don’t need to lose anymore, we’ve lost too many,” she said.

“No family should be suffering the grief that we are and other families of fallen [soldiers are] … when they come home, they should be safe. They are important – each and every one of them.”

Jenny said all of the services are trying to do better with supporting their men and women, but more can be done.

“If you don’t learn from your history, you’re going to repeat the same mistakes and we still have a lot to go … but it’s not easy,” she said.

“We hope that things will improve … you don’t even need to have post-traumatic stress, you can just feel pretty down.

“If someone just says ‘gee, you did a really good job’, it can be the simplest thing that can make all the difference. Or pick up the phone and make that phone call – that’s the important thing.”

FOOTBALL PLAYING ITS PART

Andrew was interested in activities such as chess, reading, computers, drawing and soccer.

He also enjoyed running, which suited his frame, as he was only 70kgs, although he came back from Afghanistan at 65kgs.

Although he wasn’t a hardcore AFL follower – he followed Melbourne Storm in the NRL – David and Jenny agreed that football can play a part in telling his story and others. 

They said by bringing Andrew’s story to life, via such avenues as football – and the ANZAC Day Eve clash between Melbourne and Richmond at the MCG – could only be beneficial.

“If it doesn’t get highlighted, it may get forgotten. If it gets out there … it may mean a lot more,” David said.

“I think it’s a good thing.”

David has no doubt “emotions will be very high” on Sunday night.

He and Jenny and will be lighting the cauldron in pre-match ceremonies. 

Renowned wordsmith Rupert McCall will also be reading a tribute on the night. 

“I know when Rupert starts talking and they start putting slides up [on the big screen], tissues will probably be out. We’ve lived through it before,” Jenny said.

“I could’ve lived with the poem, but they actually flashed up the boys’ faces [before].

“They’re not just names now. Some of them I know … quite well. It’s like I’ve lost another son.”

Jenny said several soldiers and friends of Andrew keep in touch.

“Some of them call me mum,” she said.

“There are some that we’ve met since Andrew died, and they’ve said Andrew made a difference in their lives. I’ve always said to them ‘if Andrew has ever done you a favour or done something you thought that helped you – pass it on and help somebody else, because Andrew doesn’t need it anymore’.

“Then we’ve had others who have rang and felt guilty that it should’ve been them – not Andrew. We don’t get to make those choices. We don’t know why they happen, but it just does and you do the best you can. I miss him.”

VOLUNTEERING

Helping out and keeping active has been important for Jenny.

She has gone back to Kingsbury Primary School, where Andrew went as a child, as a volunteer and assisted at Red Cross.

“You try and find things to help you,” she said.

“I try and have a reason to get up and go, and don’t let myself sit here [at the house] and be depressed, because I think that’s the worst thing you can do. You need to get up – and do.

“Andrew’s picture is up at the school. He’s in good company with Bruce. Andrew grew up knowing about him.”

THE BEAR

When Jenny commented to another guest on her table at the Defence Ball in 2011 that she liked the “cute” cammo pig money boxes and cammo teddy bears, a few days later, she had been sent one of each to her home.    

Now, the bear, known as Andrew, has become a significant part of her life. She also has another one known as Ben, which is a British bear.

“[Andrew the bear] has little badges on him. He’s a miniature of what Andrew would’ve had on his slouch hat,” Jenny said.

“The sergeant got me a couple [of badges] … ones of the rising suns. We were given those to wear when we attended his ceremony, when his body was returned.”

The bear has since travelled far and wide to places such as Papua New Guinea (with Walking Wounded), Perth, Afghanistan, Yungaburra, Canberra and Amberley.

Jenny also took the bear to Al Minhad Air Base in the United Arab Emirates – Australia’s operations base in the Middle East.

She was part of a group – along with several others parents of fallen soldiers – that visited Australians serving in Afghanistan. It was an important moment for Jenny and one that was right out her comfort zone.

“They flew us in by helicopter. I must admit when I got there, I was a bit hesitant and some of the other mums were [too], because we weren’t sure how the boys and girls were going to feel us about being there. We were only there four hours and then we had to leave,” she said.

“I spoke to one of the padres and he said there were people who were a little hesitant about us coming across, but he thought … our visit did lift the spirits of our men and women in the military, [because] we’d actually taken the time to come across.

“I’m glad I went. It makes you appreciate what conditions our boys and girls are working under. It was so dry and the air was full of dust. The only time it was clear was very, very early. It was really dusty.”

FURTHER TRAVEL PLANNED

Jenny is planning on taking Andrew the Bear to further destinations, which includes the United Kingdom in 2016.

“He’s done a lot of miles this fella and he’s got more to go, because we’re going overseas, Andrew and I,” she said.

“We’re taking some of Andrew’s ashes overseas. Some of Andrew’s ashes have been spread [already, but] he wanted to do more travelling and had planned to go overseas.

“One of the places he wanted to see was Scotland – not so much the countryside, but the castles and the [Royal Edinburgh Military] Tattoo. So, this year, as it’s his 30^th, I’m going over to take some of Andrew’s ashes. I’m going to check and see if I need permission to scatter some of his ashes off the top of a castle, so that’s the plan and we’ll see what happens.”

HUGS ARE IMPORTANT

Since the loss of Andrew, Jenny says the simplicity of genuine hug has become an even more important part of daily life. 

“I’ve become a wonderful hugger. I’ve decided that sometimes you can’t find the words and I’ve learned to be an equal opportunity hugger. I take my hugs wherever I can get them,” she said.

“The boys call themselves brothers from other mothers. Well, I have sons from other mothers and I’m not giving them back either.

“Being given a hug, when a hug is needed – I can tell you, there are times when I need it. So they’ve been wonderful. He was a good kid, but he should’ve got to be an old one, but life is not fair, we’ve learnt.”

THEY DO A GREAT JOB

Despite the enormity of losing their son, Jenny is adamant that the men and women who serve Australia do an incredible job in testing and trying conditions.

“Our boys and girls in all of the defence forces, whether they’re army, navy or air force … we all hear about when something stupid happens, but we don’t realise how much of a good job they do,” she says.

“It’s amazing. You might bump into them (soldiers) anywhere. We were at the airport coming home one time and a young man came up and introduced himself – and he had been there [in Afghanistan with Andrew].

“I’ve been lucky. We’ve had wonderful support and we still have contact with quite a few – not only just Andrew’s mates, but a commanding officer, who has now gone higher up the chain. He will still occasionally contact us.

“Whether it’s when Queensland had the floods or we sent them over to Fiji to help out there, they do an absolutely stellar job.”

TAKE THE PIC – DON’T HAVE REGRETS

One of the most important things learned from David and Jenny’s extraordinary story is to not have regrets. 

Be thankful. Enjoy the moment. Don’t sweat the little stuff.

Because it can all change in an instant.

“He was our son, our child, but he was just starting to become an adult – leaving home, leaving that juvenile stage. Just when you see someone maturing from their early stage in life and becoming established on their own and independent … and then they’re cut down and they’re taken away,” David said.

For Jenny, she reflects on her situation philosophically, but stresses the importance of making the most of your moments.  

“Andrew got to 25 and that’s more than some of the boys. I saw a beautiful picture on Facebook – it shows a little boy in uniform and says ‘this is what a mother sees when her son goes off to war’. They’re always going to be your kids,” she said.

“If you’re going to the airport [and waving goodbye] … make sure whatever you’re feeling – [no matter] how scared – that you smile. If it kills you, you smile. You don’t damn well start crying until the plane’s left because that’s the last thing they need to see [when they’ve gone to serve].

“Be positive. When you consider the number of soldiers, sailors and airmen we’ve sent overseas – we can consider ourselves lucky that we have only lost, in actual combat, the number that we have.

“It’s sad that we’ve lost a greater proportion after they’ve come home, but we should count our blessings. We just hope for the best and love them heaps. Never put off to tomorrow – always do it today. If you want a photo – take the photo, because you may not get that opportunity. My biggest regret is ‘oh, we’ll do it next time.”

Jenny recounted a story of another mother who had lost her son serving.

She said the mother was so determined to take a photograph of her son before he departed the country that she insisted it was taken.  

And for Jenny, it’s perhaps the best reminder to seize the day.   

“She pushed it and got it. Unfortunately, her son was killed. The younger of her two [children] and the older one has since said ‘I’m so glad Mum, you pushed to get a photo, because I wouldn’t have it [now]’,” she said.

“You have to take today and not hope that you’ll have tomorrow. Just take today and do the best you can with it and enjoy every minute because it is too short and you just can’t tell.

“It’s like you could walk across the road and get hit [by a car]. You won’t be here tomorrow. Do it. That’s my thing. If you can help somebody else along the way, do that too, because it all adds up. Little things mean a lot – even if it’s bears.

“It’s not just Andrew’s story – it’s all the boys’ stories, because they’ve all been taken too soon.”